"In time the ego hits upon a new notion," Merlin added, "that happiness lies not just in taking but also in giving.  This is a momentous discovery, for it rids the ego of many kinds of fear.  There is the fear of isolation, which total selfishness must lead to.  There is the fear of loss, which arises because you can't hold on to everything forever.  There is the fear of enemies, those who want to take from you.

 

"By becoming a giver, the ego doesn't have to live with these fears, at least not as much as before.  A nagging problem has been solved.  But there is something deeper at work too.  Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver.  This connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging, not the passive belonging of the baby who attomatically belongs to the mother but the active belonging of someone who has learned to create happiness.

 

"Giving is creative.  It also turns the ego's perspective completely around.  Before the giver is born, guarding against loss was all-important.  This meant loss of money and possessions but also loss of self-image, loss of importance.  Now the person freely parts with something, yet it doesn't feel like a loss.  Instead the ego feels pleasure.  How amazing, for the pleasure of taking was never like this."

 

Galahad looked reflective.  "Love has entered the heart.  That's the difference."

 

"Yes," Merlin said.  "As long as the ego pursues self-interest, it doesn't feel love.  It may feel intense pleasure or self-satisfaction or attachment.  These feelings are sometimes called love, but in its nature love is selfless, and it takes a selfless act to call love forth.  Giving isn't limited to giving money or things to someone else.  There is also service, and giving of oneself, and devotion, the giving of love in pure form.

 

"For all these resons the birth of the giver feels new and liberating.  Even though the ego still dominates, it has begun to look outside itself.  Most people learn the pleasure of giving as small children; most parents teach their children to share with other children.  Yet the true birth of the giver may not come until much later.  As long as you are giving because you were told to, or because you think it is the right thing to do, you will not feel the deep pleasure of giving.  Giving must be spontaneous, born of the sense 'This is what I want to do,' not 'This is what I'd better do.'"

 

"When one starts to give, is this a sign that the ego is dying?"  asked Percival.

 

Merlin frowned.  "In alchemy there is no death.  Nothing has to perish in order to reach the Grail.  The old notion of ego death assumes that there are things about you that God judges against."

 

"But you've just said that the ego is controlling and loveless," Percival objected.  "Is that part of God's plan for us?"

 

"God's plan is for you to find yourself," Merlin said.  "You are not destined just to reach a fixed goal.  If you want to explore what it is like to be selfish or ignorant or murderous or totally without faith, God permits all these experiences.  Why shouldn't He?  Because you are not judged, none of your actions is good or bad in God's eyes."

 

"But that's shocking," said Galahad.  "You're saying that a murderer and a saint are equal?"

 

"They are equal if the sinner and the saint are just masks you put on."  Merlin replied, "The saint in this life may be the sinner in another life, and the sinner today may be learning to become a saint tomorrow.  All these roles are illusions in God's eyes.  I am not saying you must force this perspective on yourself.  You asked me for guidance, however, and I must show you what lies ahead on the path."